Accept the body you’re in right now. Not yesterday, not 10 years ago, the body you have in this very moment. It is the greatest, most important instrument you have to experience in life. Love it and use it in every you-supporting way possible. –Tanya Lee Markul
I understand. Truly, I do.
Eyes cast downward, for just a second. Then back up again to meet my gaze.
When you learn I’ve removed both my breasts because of cancer, sometimes you can’t help but look.
I understand. Really. I’ve been where you are before.
Especially in this middle space, after mastectomy and before reconstruction.
I don’t have breasts. Holy shitballs, I said that out loud.
There’s an odd sort of space – there’s that word again – where they used to be. Pretty much a nothingness. I’ve become okay with that, mostly.
One of my lessons is to be – really be – in this body right now.
It will change in a couple months, again. But I don’t want to wait for then to be okay. I want to be okay now.
And though I’ve mostly come to terms with this changed-body-of-mine, it’s still a bit of a heart jolt when your eyes cast downward. But please don’t let that stop you.
My heart jolt can co-exist with your natural curiosity, because my heart knows that your curiosity comes from a place of love, of caring for me.
All of me.
Photo credit: Nancy Lennon