Eyes cast downward.

Accept the body you’re in right now. Not yesterday, not 10 years ago, the body you have in this very moment. It is the greatest, most important instrument you have to experience in life. Love it and use it in every you-supporting way possible.                                       –Tanya Lee Markul

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understand. Truly, I do.

Eyes cast downward, for just a second. Then back up again to meet my gaze.

When you learn I’ve removed both my breasts because of cancer, sometimes you can’t help but look.

I understand. Really. I’ve been where you are before.

Especially in this middle space, after mastectomy and before reconstruction.

I don’t have breasts. Holy shitballs, I said that out loud.

There’s an odd sort of space – there’s that word again – where they used to be.  Pretty much a nothingness. I’ve become okay with that, mostly.

One of my lessons is to be – really be – in this body right now.

It will change in a couple months, again. But I don’t want to wait for then to be okay. I want to be okay now.

Now.

And though I’ve mostly come to terms with this changed-body-of-mine, it’s still a bit of a heart jolt when your eyes cast downward. But please don’t let that stop you.

My heart jolt can co-exist with your natural curiosity, because my heart knows that your curiosity comes from a place of love, of caring for me.

All of me.

Photo credit: Nancy Lennon

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16 Responses to Eyes cast downward.

  1. Hilary says:

    you are a brave warrior woman. xoxoxo

  2. Terri says:

    Thank you, Lisa, for the wonderful reminder. Right here. Right now. Our bodies are perfect.

  3. Melissa says:

    Thank you for this. I just had coffee with a friend yesterday who also had a double mastectomy and is having a few complications from it. I did find my eyes drifting downward as we talked…but then again hers did too. xo

  4. My goodness, this was beautiful. Just beautiful.

  5. Jennifer says:

    Very beautiful. I’ve had eyes cast down on me, I’ve had people stare rudely, and I’ve been surprised to note that others don’t even glance. I, for one, can’t look as I am still working on acceptance.

    • Lisa says:

      One thing is for sure, Jennifer, is that it’s a journey with no right or wrong length of time for it to take. So I hope you take *your* time.

  6. Lisa, you are an amazing, brave woman – your words resonate so many feelings – thank you for reminding all of us women to love our bodies now as we are – your words are beautitful!

  7. Alison Marra says:

    This is beautiful. You are beautiful. Now. All of me. YES.

  8. Grechen Roll Ciccotti says:

    So beautiful Lisa. I had no idea…my mother is a four time survivor. She asks about you & your family often. This moving entry will touch her as well. You are truly as beautiful as when I knew you many years ago.

  9. Lesley Klotz says:

    Just when I think I will be sad you make me laugh right out loud by writing “Holy Shitballs.” I totally adore you.

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