One of the most calming and powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand up and show your soul. -Clarissa Pinkola Estes
I guess I’d say cancer causes storms, dunked-under-water-and-come-up-sputtering kinds of storms. The storms may be physical, emotional, spiritual or choice “D” – all of the above.
I’ve talked about blogging for years. After all, as a litigator, a good part of my workday is spent writing or editing. I’ve even talked with some of you about it. Yet I couldn’t figure out the content, the audience, the message. Should it be about law? Should it be about single-parenting? Adoption? Should it be part of our Legal Weapons series? I was a case study in paralysis by analysis.
And then, this. Breast cancer. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have any hesitation about this blog. Because being authentic is scary. It’s vulnerable. It’s the nightmare where you’re running down the street naked. [I’m not the only one who has those, right?]
And it’s knowing folks whom perhaps I wouldn’t necessarily choose to see me vulnerable will be my readers. It’s knowing there’s a chance my partners, our employees, my colleagues, my adversaries in the rough-and-tumble world of litigation, or even my clients are reading. Or, heck, I guess there’s a chance some dude on whom I have a secret crush is reading this.
As I pondered all these what-ifs, I made a choice. I chose to show my soul. I’m not feeling particularly brave, or noble, or whatever-cheery adjective of the day you might choose to call it. Instead, I’m feeling as if the choice was made for me. It’s almost as if I didn’t choose to show my soul. Rather, my soul chose to show you, me. The authentic me, sans armor, at least for now.
Good decision or not-so-good, I’m not yet prepared to say. What I do know for sure (thanks, Oprah) is that it’s my soul that’s feeding me right now, by standing up and being seen.
Art credit: Grace Coppola, 2013.